Ready for some positive

After so many things going wrong, I need some good in my life. Almost desperately at this point.

My few friends seem to be growing fewer and fewer by the day. I’m afraid soon I’ll have none left. And let’s not even try to touch the subject of family… Well, maybe I’ll get into that later.

Things that people say are awful. Speculations that are made about my situation are downright rude. I get to hear the ridiculous rumors and I’m often shocked by them and even more shaken by who said them to begin with. I hate hearing all the doubt and mean-ness. It’s not what I need in my life right now and it hurts most of all that it comes from the people that I thought know me best.

The “Father’s Day” Issue. I hate reading all of the Father’s Day emails that I’m getting from the pregnancy help sites I subscribe to. And all of the “just for dad” excerpts and “what to do with your partner/child’s father” suggestions for the week. It just makes me feel depressed by constantly reminding me that I am alone in this.

Boy or Girl?

As I get closer and closer to finding out if my little “Jelly Bean” is a boy or a girl, everyone keeps asking me which gender I would prefer.

As though one sex is preferable.

I’ll be perfectly happy with 10 finger and 10 toes and a healthy baby regardless of gender.🙂

15 weeks!

Believe it or not!🙂

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Regarding gratuity and other things

Kim says:
May 24, 2012 at 10:51 am
It’s obvious from several posts, that some of you have never been on both sides of the fence – I have. I have been a server and there are a few actual facts you should know.

Did you know that most, if not all servers in the country work for $2.13 an hour plus tips? If they don’t make minimum wage in an hour (with tips), then the restaurant is required to augment their pay to reach the minimum wage.

And for that paltry sum, we have to:
– Put up with customers that can’t seem to get off their cell phone to actually order and just leave us standing there waiting, like we’re invisible.
– Put up with your kids asking for refills on their drinks about 50 times, and then of course something to play with or color with because God forbid you would take care of your own children while you’re here, nope – we’re responsible for that also.
– Having you order your meal with this, without that, with this on the side, extra that. Good grief, if you don’t want or like it the way it comes, then why are you at THIS restaurant?
– Have you complain that you have “decided” you don’t like what you ordered. I didn’t know it came with onions—can you read? The menu clearly states what is in each dish we carry. That’s sort of like going to Mom’s for Sunday dinner and sending back your plate—you wouldn’t do it to Mom, why do you do it to us?
– Since drinks are free refills, you chug down your drink like you just got off the Sahara and want us to refill it at least as many times as we filled your kids.
– If we sell chips/salsa—then that’s another 10 trips to keep refilling that basket.
– And then of course we have to get your final bill, make trips for those to go containers, process your payment and THEN clean up all the chips, straws, napkins, etc., that you and your lovely kids left everywhere (including the floor and under the table).

And all that for $2.13 an hour. No wonder we might be grumpy, we’ve served 10 families just like yours before you walked in the door.

We deserve every penny of that “autograt” and more. There are a lot of extremely “stingy” diners out there who do not want to pay for the service we provide. No problem—go to a cafeteria where you get your own food/drinks, clean up after yourself and refill your own chip basket. But if you come to a restaurant where you have an individual server, then treat them like a person, not like a doormat and then reward them as such. While you may actually think your server was lousy – news for you – a lousy server usually means you were a lousy, demanding, rude guest. They go hand-in-hand.

And for those of you who penalize your server with a lower tip because the restaurant they happen to work at “autograts.” Shame on you—it’s not the servers fault. You’re punishing the server for someone else’s policy. And this is why “autograts” exist. You have diners that come in with a bad attitude, bad mood, spouse yelled at them that morning—any reason to take it out on someone else and they usually take it out on their server.

If I take your order, serve your drinks, deliver your food, pick up your dishes and deliver/process your bill – you don’t think that deserves at least minimum wage? Come on…most of you think serving is beneath you…it’s why you’ve never worked as one and probably never will.

You don’t want to pay for me to bring you your food/drinks—no problem–eat at home, will save us both a lot of aggravation.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
-The above comment was taken from an article posted on CNN about a family refusing to pay the automatic gratuity added to their tab.

I thought the comment was wonderful. Nearly all of the other commenters claimed to always tip 20-25%. Sure, and pigs fly.

I don’t understand why people get offended over gratuity. If it is added to your tab it is likely because it is mandatory and the policy is clearly outlined in the menu. Your server isn’t punishing you or trying to say that you look like a cheap jerk that won’t tip, they are merely doing their job and following the company policy.

It is the restaurants policy to charge gratuity, not the servers. They could actually lose their job for not following company policy as it is one of their obligations as an employee.

And, if you normally tip 20% and the gratuity is only 15%, OF COURSE you may always tip on top of the gratuity to make up the difference. I never understood why people get so angry and resentful over gratuity, complain loudly about it, claim to tip more than the gratuity and then never do. If you want to “stick it to the man” over gratuity, punishing the server is not the way to do so. If there’s an issue, talk to the manager instead of docking your servers pay.

Also, I love the common misconception that servers make ridiculous amounts of money and shouldn’t be tipped. Oh yes, because 2.13 an hour TOTALLY pays all my bills! Newsflash: Most full time servers make considerably less than $20,000 a year. I made in the ballpark of $17,000 last year. And as an independent student trying to pay for nursing school, that money doesn’t stretch very far.

When you go to a restaurant, be aware of your surroundings. It’s extremely unlikely that you are the only table in the entire establishment, so have a little humanity and don’t act like you are. Treat your server with the respect that you would want to be treated with. They are SERVERS which is very different from SERVANTS.

Be polite. If you need a refill, be patient and bring it to your servers attention nicely. Typically servers can be responsible for 20-50+ people at one time by themselves. I cannot stress that enough. That means they can be responsible for 49 other drinks and 49 other plates of food in some cases. They are often over-worked and stressed out. Remembering a side of ranch for 32, an extra side of fries for 41, to go boxes for 45, the tab for 56, another beer for 53 and any number of other things at the same time is a lot.

Lastly, do not ever call your server to the table with a whistle or by snapping your fingers. That is downright rude, demeaning and disrespectful. They are a human being and not a dog. Use their name. If you don’t know it, ask them instead of hollering, “Hey you!” across the dining room.

Craving

Right now I want brownies and tomatoes and plums and sherbet and hummus and this wonderful appetizer from a restaurant in Ann Arbor, Michigan. (Disclaimer: the “and”s in the previous sentence indicate that while I want these things, I DO NOT want them mixed together. Haha.) A giant glass of milk and something with peanutbutter would also be most welcome.

I crave mostly fruit and milk. And tomatoes.🙂 I don’t want fast food, junk food, or anything fried. Sure, I’m guilty of grabbing a French fry or two at work, that I instantly regret. And I ate a McDonald’s cheeseburger for the first time in years.

Things can sound good in theory and then as soon as I smell them I instantly run the other way. Or something that was wonderful going down doesn’t sit well in my stomach.

And all the stretching and “round ligament pain” in my abdomen is weird. Although I am starting to feel tiny fluttering and popping feelings where baby should be, which makes it exciting.🙂

On another note, I have decided to keep the updates of my pregnancy on here. Instead of facebook. So that people in my life can have the choice of following my pregnancy and my journey or not. I understand that not everyone will want to listen to the rantings of a hormonal woman. And that I might occasionally have moments where things might be TMI for some people.🙂

Thank you for listening!

Where to begin?

Every once in a while it will hit me. I’m going to be a single mom. And then I get hit by a rush of excitement and terror all at once.

This is scary for me. And it’s not easy.

I keep getting disapproving looks. Lectures about my “other options”. Fleeting glances when I know there are whispers being made behind my back.

And that makes me feel sad, alone and angry. Upset that I feel like most of the people around me don’t support my choice.

I made a decision. I didn’t run off and have an abortion like this child’s father wanted (and still wants). I didn’t hide this. I am not ashamed that I am going to be a mother, I am not ashamed that I will have a child or that I am alone in doing so.

I made my choice. I thought about my options and chose the one that I can live with. Because this is about me. And what I want and what I can live with for the rest of my life. And this is what I can live with. And, should anyone have an issue with that, then maybe they don’t belong in my life.

If people have questions, I’m not shy. I’ll be honest about things. Baby’s dad doesn’t want to be in the picture. I’m doing this alone. I don’t have a preference for girl or boy, I just want 10 fingers and 10 toes and a healthy child. I would like to try to have a natural birth, but I am open to pain medication if it’s necessary. I plan on staying in school. And yes, I know this will be hard.

I have friends that are single parents that I can talk to. I know my resources and options that are available. I have people that I know I can depend on if I need help.🙂

Yawn

It’s only 9:30pm and I’m already sleepy. And I had a nap earlier. My body is being taken over and sapped of all its energy!! Haha.🙂

Getting nervous about the move. Michigan is so beautiful. And I don’t want to leave, but I know that this isn’t just about my life anymore. I have to do what’s best.

Being 22 and pregnant isn’t exactly how I envisioned my life. But then again NONE of my life is how I pictured it. Kind of crazy how things don’t turn out the way we want them to.

Well, the baby’s father has been talking to me. Actually asked me about the pregnancy. But then he only wanted to talk about the chances of miscarriage. Awesome. He’s jobless currently. And planning on skipping from minimum wage job to minimum wage job to avoid having his wages garnished to pay back his $70,000 worth of student loans. He has like 3 semesters left to finish his master’s degree in physics!! And he won’t do it. Makes me want to rip my hair out because he’s so close to having an actual career and making money to have a life with and he won’t take it! Ahhh!!!!!

Maybe he enjoys being at the bottom despite scrounging for gas money and food. Maybe there’s less responsibility farther down the poverty line? I don’t know. I do think that he needs to suck it up, get over his mid-life crisis and get it together. I’ve been there, the place where I just adopted a “fuck it” attitude. But that inevitably has to end. And you have to keep moving forward. I just hope something kicks him in the butt hard enough to make his brain work again. And soon.

I can do this alone. I can. I’m already planning on it. But that does not make it any easier to think about. Having this child and raising it alone terrifies me. Sure, I know the baby’s father isn’t going to win father of the year or anything but it would be nice to have him at least be mildly supportive. It wouldn’t kill him to ask me if I’m ok instead of me trying to make sure he’s not freaking out. I’m going to be raising one child already, I don’t need to be raising two.

Cuz, no, I’m not ok. I know I will be and that I have to be but right now I’m terrified. I have these moments where I’m ok and then I just feel like the world is caving in on me. Like I’ve run into a brick wall called Reality and now it’s falling on me.

Well, I know that it’s no literary masterpiece but thank you for reading World.

~sari

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